he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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