Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
