I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
