Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
