Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
