I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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