Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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