If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
