i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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