I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
