I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can't motorboat a personality
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
