So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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