we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
