Someone shit on the floor
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
