I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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