why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
