somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
