LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
