i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
