i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
