How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
