4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize