The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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