Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
