I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
