I wish my penis had an off switch
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
