I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
