if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
