The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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