we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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