i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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