rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
