I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
