I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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