Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
