you have to choose: penises or morals?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize