The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
