So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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