You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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