JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
