from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
