I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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