woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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