i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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