i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
