I think I am morally bankrupt
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
