So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I touched a dick in church today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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