are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The best revenge is premature balding
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
