i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
