he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
