Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
