after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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