I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have already put on my inside pants.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
