if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
