Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
