Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
