hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
