this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
