Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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