it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
