Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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