I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
