I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
