Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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