five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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