do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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