oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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